Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in pen_spc's LiveJournal:

Friday, February 4th, 2005
5:41 pm	Explanation How does God expect people to be strong and to believe in him when, if he does exist, he does not do good for all people? What about the people who have bad things happen to them EVERY DAY? Where's God in a world where good people can't find a decent thought to get through the day? Where's God when another car breaks down? Where's God when something else gets stolen from me? Where's God when someone else hurts me? Where's God the next time people take advantage of my kindness? He's nowhere, he never has been, and if he ever is I'll be very very surprised. God has held no place in my life for a very long time now and it is not due to lack of trying. I lived the good life for much of it and nothing came of it and as I wait things get worse. I'm on my own and I have to do it all on my own. I have no one but Lori, and Lori has no one but me. We are alone with no help or thought from the Christian god or any other God for that matter. Believing in yourself and doing it yourself is the only way it can be done. God WILL NOT help me if he hasn't yet. If God exists, he has taken himself out of my life, and if the problem is his continuous involvement in it, then may God leave me alone and leave Lori alone and go on being petty with other kind hearted, loyal, trusting, and caring people because it is done now, it has no effect. I'm at rock bottom, it doesn't matter. The bad things don't matter and the good things aren't good enough to get over the bad anyway. It all turns to gray except for Lori and I don't know why. I don't know what I did to deserve it, I don't deserve it. My life could not be more depressing than it is right now, unless I didn't have Lori and, if that were the case, my life would cease to exist at all. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
10:55 pm	[lori was here] teehee! <3 Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
10:52 pm	Shitpipes N Bitches Nigger r1mmSPC: fuck those fuckin psychos ManazoSPC: TRASH Gr1mmSPC: TRASH TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN GARBAGE ManazoSPC: Grabage to the mothafucken can ManazoSPC: arshaun tothe mothafucken kill ManazoSPC: kill to the mothafucken joke ManazoSPC: nigger (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 12th, 2004
4:54 pm	Today... I'm the shit. So... wow... Lori confuses me, but in a good way. Like, I haven't really liked a girl like this before. I mean I liked my ex for a while, but I was young and less educated in the way people are. Lori, however, is just plain amazing. It's funny because the other day I said that I thought I might be shooting too high with girls. And then all this happens and some chic that is like EVERYTHING I need, not even so much need but just want (because she's like beyond my needs), is totally digging me and it's really fuckin' cool. And she will read this and be wondering if I'm simply cheezing it up all Cheezy Love style, but, for the record, I am not. And it's so cool because, before all this, I was like trying to leave town and get the fuck away from LA and thinking that everything just SUCKED and wasn't gonna get better. And I was complaining to Chris about how "I better get some good karma coming my way soon," And that exact same day, a few hours later, I met Lori at Woodley Park. It's funny because I wouldn't have written this had Shaun and Lori not told me too, but I was thinking about writing exactly what I'm writing now in my LJ on the way home. However, I decided against it til now. So, in conclusion I'm a sprung, pussy whipped, shit-smoking, bitch... SPC. But it's all good because I'm whipped by a super cool, extremely smart, laid back, and SUPER SUPER hot chic, which is much better than being whipped by... A.) A prude B.) A tweeker C.) A girl with a smelly cooch D.) All of the above (also known as Flower) - Pen HTID Current Mood: content (3 Comments |Comment on this)